Of Snake & Friends

I drove over a 7 ft snake two nights ago. In the middle of the night, it just appeared in the middle of the fast lane on Jalan Lapangan Terbang Subang. I was just too fast, too near. Went over it and it felt like I went over a bump. Believe me, I freaked.

Firstly, I have never ran over anything, dead or alive!

Secondly, what’s a 7 ft snake doing crossing a highway. I have never seen anything that size other than in a zoo tank!

I shuddered at the thought that I have blood and snake skin splattered all over my car. And I felt awful. I was hoping against hope that the fella didn't die.

Against my better judgement, I drove back to the spot to see how bad that poor snake was. This time, I made sure I drove slower on the slow lane. But I just couldn’t find the snake.

And just when you least expect it, lo and behold, the snake was right in front of me. I was so close to running over it a second time. I swerved and was almost hit by another car. It didn’t die. In the time it took me to loop around back to the spot, it had slithered from the fast lane across to the slow lane.

Damn that stupid snake – scaring me once was not enough, it had to do it twice.

As usual, I called up my closent friends to loan some courage and shed some fear. I had mixed reactions.

One said it was bad omen (oh yes, thank you very much for being so reassuring).

Another asked me to buy 4D - the snake was a $$ sign

Another told me to keep all my doors and windows tightly closed - the snake might come after me for revenge.

Mark sent his recovery wishes to the snake - not sure whether it was the naturalist or the cynical side of him.

Don't you just love your friends sometimes.

I Love You

I love the way you look like a baby when you are asleep, on your sides with your arms between your knees.
I love you for being there for me when I open my eyes in the morning.
I love the way you sniff me out in the morning and tell me I smell great.
I love the way you loop your arms around me and it feels so right.
I love the way you call my name.
I love the way you pull and crack my toes.
I love the way you play with my hair.
I love they way you treats me like I'm a little princess.
I love you for all these sweet moments and precious memories.
I love you.
You may not know it, you may not love me back the same way I do...
But I don't need you to.
I just love you... all of you.

Don’t Ever Get Pregnant

Seriously. Don’t! For your own sake.

Despite all those dreams mothers-in-denial sell to us about the joys of pregnancy, I pregnancy is too big a sacrifice. Think about it….

You lose your body
You lose your brain cells
You lose bone mass
You lose money (this is an eternal and perpetual loss)
You lose the innocence and youth in your looks (i.e. you look haggard)
And more importantly…. You lose your self-confidence

Jennifer is pregnant. And the pregnancy has made her forgetful and perpetually blur. She is always tired. Her work is a mess - it's shoddy, overdue and simply unsatisfactory.

I don't mean to be heartless, but I just have no choice. Customers are screaming at me and she is the source of it. There’s no one else to scream at.

I don’t ever, ever want to be in that position. I don’t think a kid is worth all that, especially not my self-esteem, self-pride and self-confidence.

He’s So Damn Into You

I have not read the bestselling book called He’s Just Not That Into You. The book didn’t contain a single idea that we women all didn’t know since our first date. Men have always been assholes. Just that we women keep hoping that there is an odd one out there.

But now… now I think there may be a glimmer of hope.

Karen’s man is nuts! Imagine a man who would stop a bus for you. Yes, it’s true.

And man who would drive out to a Starbucks every morning to buy you a cup of your favorite coffee.

A man who would call you every morning to lovingly make sure you’re not late for work, and every evening to see how your day was.

A man who would just lie next to you quietly and cuddle you when you’re sick, then make porridge for you.

Yes, yes… this man does exist.

Now, I think I am going to write the rival book called He’s So Damn Into You.

Heck, if I can’t find this man for myself, at least I could get rich selling the “dream” of him to women around the world.

There’s a catch though – he is someone else’s husband.

So gals and gals, moral of the day…. don’t get married, it spells the end of your perfect man and the doom of your romantic fairytale.

I can no longer write

I can no longer write.

Serious. Writing hurts my wrist.

The only time I hold a pen now is to sign. And that too, I am getting horrible at it.

Recently, I have had to sign so many documents. My lazy wrist has reduced my signatory “S” to a squiggly line.

What has technology reduced us too. Even the wrist is getting lazy.

Of Tarot Cards and the One

Tarot cards tell me I have found my lifetime companion.

I know this man. I love this man.

I had wanted someone, some divine force to tell that he is the one. Yet now being told exactly that, I wonder if I want to believe it entirely.

He is so perfect, yet so imperfect.

My lifetime companion no longer believes in matrimony. My companion does not want kids. These… I think I can live with, gladly.

But sometimes I feel that he is too distant, too unpredictable, out of my reach. But yet, these are the exact qualities that make me keep wanting him.

I think…. I am mad.