A Peek of Everest's Peak.

Today, at 1.58pm, I reached Lukla and completed my Everest Peek trek. I celebrated with my furst meat meal for the week - fried chicken with french fries - totall nett out all the detox over the last week of vegetarian diet.

Real Security

For a woman, which of the following provides a greater sense of security?
(a) A man
(b) A big wad of cash
(c) A man with a big wad of cash
(d) A house
(e) A piece of land
(f) A notebook and a hard drive

My answer: F

Yes, I am a stupid fool.

Did I say I was too horny?

Well, not any more. Mr Asia is even hornier. On the second date, he had already pounced in me in the car; in the night under a big old tree. It was weird. The brake was in my way, the gear was in his way. Plus, every few minute, a car with flashing headlights drive by and I was pretty she the driver witnessed our snogging.

The second date, even more heroic acts. Right at the KLPac carpark as the audiences was arriving.

While both times, we ended up having mind-blowing sex in bed, this whole car deal felt adolescent at best. But I fueled the problem. I get wet so fast with him. Seriously, I have to bring fresh undies with me now everything we do out. I wet even when nothing is happening yet – just flirting. God forbid, I may just run out of panties pretty soon.

*I wonder if there’s such a thing as a pussy plug to prevent wetting. There’s an anal plug. The closest thing would probably be a dildo, but for the dear life of me, I can’t imagine walking around with one.

But sex with him is good. Different. Doesn’t last as long, but certainly last longer than microwave sex. Well, he taught me the joy of using an egg vib.

Just got back from Sri Lanka with him and yes, we made love every day.

But it’s not just sex. He is a very loving man. Despite his constant burping and farting, despite his nose digging and leg shaking, he is such a sweet thing.

And his eyes, oh those beautiful eyes. They melted me. I shouldn’t have looked at them, I know. But I could not resist all things beautiful, let along those beary eyes.

I hope I am not getting myself into trouble. I swore I would not hurt him, so I’d better rope in the leash.

Moral of the story – wear panty liners, don’t look into the eyes, have your own apartment and buy a car without brakes in the center aka buy an mpv!

It’s A Fact, I’m Too Horny

According to expert opinion, one of the reasons for my enlarge lymph nodes could be due to my horniness. It seems that one of the main functions of my underarm glands in to secrete pheromones.

Now that they are removed, I worry if men will still want me.

Got Cut Up and Didn't Know How

I just got out of my first operation to remove swollen lymph nodes under my arms last Saturday. It was September 5, 2009. It was quite a frightening experience. No, not so much the operation itself. I was operated by a breast surgeon at Pantai Hospital. The doc was great – Dr. Patricia was a no-nonsense but compassionate lady. The nurses at the hospital were very good – fast, knowledgeable, comforting and always smiling.

It was the anesthetist that was scary, or at least what he was capable of. I have totally no recollection of what happened to me the moment they pump anesthetic into me. I didn’t know how and where they cut me up. I didn’t know what they took out of me. I didn’t even know I had a tube chuffed down my throat until I complaint of tonsillitis to my doctor yesterday. I know that the doc did a good job. But I can’t help but still wonder every day, what exactly happened to me on the operation table. And it suddenly dawn on me how empty and violated those women who have been drugged and raped feel.

India, a food haven

Back from India, well-fed and constipated. Too much of anything is never good, and such is true to flour, potatoes, lentils and chick peas.

But you put another plate of India food in front of me and I will still gobble it down with pleasure. Somehow, the Indians have managed to make everything tastes yummy.

Their bread, oh their bread. I can eat a naan every day and still not eat the same thing twice for a month. They have a hundred ways to make bread and every one of them taste delightful.

Their claypot bryani is moist and bursting with flavors. Their mutton (and yes, I don’t eat mutton) melts in the mouth. Their cottage cheese is another heavenly creation. It does not taste like cheese at all. I thought it was tofu until 2 days later.

Masala is huge in north Indian food. There is masala in everything – masala chicken, masala fish, masala tea, masala pickle, masala dips, masala chips and every other edible item that can be flavored. They even put masala in their Pepsi, and it taste damn good.
The two little complaints I have is their lack of caffeine and lack of greens. Coffee tastes like milk tea with too much sugar. Even cappuccino tastes like milk tea with extra sugar. The Indian palette is a little on the extreme; extremely spicy or extremely sweet, nothing in the middle.

The favorite Indian food colour – yellow, orange and red. Green is jarringly rare. Green leafy vegetables are not a staple in the Indian diet. Beans are their definition of a vegetarian diet. Any greens, if any, comes out looking dead and yellow.

Indian Autumn

Going to India tomorrow.

Going to Sri Lanka at end of September.

Going to Nepal in October.

This year, I am going to eat eating more chapatti than mooncakes.

The Universe Sends Me Horses

Thought everything was cleared. Daph said he was 42, which makes him a goat. But alas, he is born before the Lunar New Year, which makes him a horse. I swear, the universe is punishing me in some morbid way.

Horses and are big NOs NOs. Alicia, Elaine and MK – all horses – all headaches. I have secretly sworn that I would never in my life hire another horse. Now, I have a horse man.

Three Simple Words That Weight Down the World

I love you

The three words that I want to say so much, but still couldn’t bring myself to say it.

I had a dream a few night ago that he cupped my face and looked at me straight in the eye and told me he loved me. I work up with tears running down my face.

Years ago, with all past boyfriends, I have also wondered what real love is. The love that I had for them somehow didn’t feel like it. I said the three sacred words often enough, but it never really come from the heart. I liked them, and I probably loved them in some way, but never the full-heartedly way. I always loved myself more.

But in Mark, I found that love. He is the first thought when I open my eyes in the morning, and he has my last prayer before I close my eyes at night. My heart and soul is so tied to him that it hurts each time I think about him. I grief every time I missed him. And my heart beams and flutters whenever I see him.

Perhaps this is karma. I said it so much but never meant it. And now that I mean it, I can’t say it.

No More Puppies

So, I dated Asia, I snogged and screwed him. All in just 2 dates. Chemistry was not really there, but the guy is OK in the SX department. A little scary, but perhaps it’s just needs getting used to.

I am bewildered. I never thought I have so much power over men. Common, it’s me we’re talking about. Hardly tall, hardly slim, hardly lanky, hardly pretty. But I know I can tease well. Mark crumbles at the slightest touch of my fingers. BL comes at the sound of my moan. And Andsia, I can flirt and teased, and he’s a goner.

But I worry about Asia. Nice guy, buy shy and very reserved. It’s extremely hard to read him. I just tactfully managed one puppy out; the last thing I need is another puppy so soon.

Dry Spell Was Worth It!

The dry spell is over and it was a huge tsunami last night.

It started at Tenggol, then at Santubong and man, like night was something else. I have never been so high, been done so hard, gosh, I loved it. The earth moved! Well we literally moved the bed a whole feet from the wall.

It was well worth it fighting the 2 hr jam. Dinner at Delucca was ok, the Michael Jackson Tribute show was good. That bottle of German Gewurztraminer set the mood. It was a amazing night! 12 hrs after, I’m still high from the session. Good sex really makes one feel like a woman…. Mmmmm (dreamy)

It’s Wonderful to be Ditched

I think BL and I just broke up. I think… I got back from Tenggol. We had sex. He asked me if I have a ‘yee gong’ (the male equivalent of a ‘yee lai’ or mistress). I said the politically right thing. He wanted my blessings to pursue his future wife. I gave him more than blessings. He packed most of his remaining clothes the next morning. And that was it. No fuss, no tears, no awkward conversations. I am FREEE!!!!!

It's Just Play

Just came back from a wonderful week in Tenggol with M. Despite the 43 sandfly bites that I am nursing now and the dilapidated room, it was a pretty good trip. Dive sites were good and so was the company.

I have gotten much better at my diving now I have gained more confidence with my gear. M is a great dive buddy. I know he will always be looking out for me.

Something remarkable happened too. After an 18-month hiatus, we had one fiery session. I have never had it so good for a while. Perhaps it was all the yearning. As always, with that touch of roughness that I like.

If there is one thing that I have learned these last few months, it’s that sex is not the definition of a relationship, and certainly not the destination of any company. It is just play, one of the many plays we engage in once in a while. With it, love continues to be given and shared.

My Week with Baby

I had to babysit a friend’s baby for a week. I thought she was just joking, but nope, she just thrust her to me and left with her luggage her Hawaii. I was to send him to his regular babysitter every morning on weekends. I would be the night and weekend babysitter.

Murphy’s law – things always go wrong when you need them to be right most. And so Murphy exercised his law on poor baby. That poor baby was left behind in an elevator (with my shopping bag in a trolley; at least I didn’t just walk off with my bags and only left the baby behind) and was thrown out of his pram (don’t asked me how that happened, he just cannon himself out).

At the end of 7 days, I finally realize why he was such a nuisance with me and just wouldn’t stop crying. I had totally forgotten to check his diapers and to feed him. He looks almost like Benjamin Button.

Thank god it was just a dream I had last night.

So much for maternal instincts. I think God is sending me a message.

The Valentine Bug

Valentine’s eve. I went to the mall to pick up swimming goggles. Boy was I thankful people don’t buy sport gears as V-day gifts. The mall is packed to the brim and there were queues every where. The gift shops had a queue going a mile long. The chocolate shops had a queue. There jewelry stores were crowded. Even the pharmacy had a queue for condom buyers!

A part of me cynically scorn these V-day suckers for the naivety but another part of me screams loneliness.

It’s not the gift but the company that I yearn. Over the last few years, I have slowly lost friends. No, they’re alive and well, they are around. But they have partners in their lives now.

I have always said I am comfortable being alone. I now wonder if I am truly comfortable, or it’s just that I have had to learn to say that for my own sanity.

Loving Someone Deeeply.... Platonicly

I finally muster the courage to ask him about us last night. Well, I sort of ask him about us. And I sort of got an answer. As Vincent has predicted, it’s not me. Or so he says.

So what now? I don’t know. But what I do know is I still love this man deeply. And I have been happy the last year with the “benefits”, and I loved him even more.

So what now? I don’t know. Nothing much, I guess. Life goes on the same as it always has been.

Is it right? Is it really love without sex? Possibly…Isn’t that what companionship is about. I didn’t seek out looking for good sex, did I? After all, I am the queen of compartmentalization. One man for sex (as bad as it may be), and one man to enrich my soul.

Lao Tzu said: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Certainly, being with him has given me so much strength and courage. So does it matter whether I know for such whether he loves me deeply? Is there a difference whether it’s been said or not?

Nay…

Somewhat A Resolution for 2009

The Christmas tree is packed back into its dull, dark box. Another Christmas dinner came and gone, another year just evaporated without many memories left.

Today is a new day in a new year.

I have not made resolutions for a few years now because I believe in living in the moment. However, I looked back at 2008 and was frankly quite disappointed with myself.

Aside from a few highlights, like going back into diving with Mark at Lang Tengah, and my trip to France, I really can’t say that I have don’t much last year.

I just worked, worked and worked. Every day, I was just catching up with work. I ended up neglecting my family and friends, neglecting the community around me, and neglecting myself. I sponsored a child since April, but has not even make an effort to go meet here once. I spent the year being tired and stressed. My temper was short and bad. I had nothing insightful about life, and all I did was complained and complained. So much for all the “zen-ess” from my meditation retreat.

I don’t like the person that I became last year.

This year, I need to make life different. Must not allow myself to get zapped into the rut. I need more to set aside time for myself, for my family and friends. I need to set aside time to sit back and be quiet.

I need to attend to my needs.