Bye Bye Baby

I have always said I want to experience everything in life at least once. I never thought that it would include an abortion. On March 29, 2010, I have my first abortion, and hope it will be the last. My baby was 4 weeks old.

It was done at Roopi’s Medical Center. The procedure was relatively fast and simple. I was asked to eat 2 pills and allow another 2 to dissolve under my tongue. The pills were to dilate the cervix. After about an hour later, the transferred me into the operation theatre, administered anesthesia and I was out. I don’t know what happened after that. I guess they just suck the living daylights out of the poor thing, literally.

Physically, I felt fine after the operation. Just some bleeding and some rawness in the vagina.

Emotionally, I am almost fine. The things I have heard about abortion is right. This decision will haunt me forever. I will always live with the memory of having had a baby in me, and having made the decision not to have it. But I know I can’t. I am too selfish to make the change in my life.

Sex is Not the Answer

I spent the afternoon with Mark, torn between feeling guilty about having someone else’s baby and feeling the need to have him hold me. We had sex. I needed it, I thought it would help take some guilt away. It didn't, of course. It only made me feel more guilty for making love with him and knowingly lying to him the whole time.

A Hormonal Wreck

Those pregnancy hormones really do crazy things to your body. I have gained 4kgs in the last couple of weeks! It’s not like I have been stuffing my face up, I don’t know where all that weight came from!

The other problem is my boobs. They are so engorged. It’s so swollen that it’s sensitive to the slightest touch - in the slightly painful and uncomfortable kinda way. It hurts to run. I have to hold them in. I swear to god I can fill up my old B-cup-size bras.

This is only 4 weeks in, I can’t imagine women bearing with this for 9 months!

An Aborted Abortion

Went to the place behind Tawakal this morning. Doc did a vagina scan and shows me the “gestation” area – a little dark sac. OK, no blinking yet i.e. no heartbeat. I don’t feel so bad.

But I would not abort today. How the hell did I know that I had to fast? Aarghhh, I have to wait till Monday.

And the darn thing cost $720!! Damn, the cost of sex!

I'm pregnant!

I am pregnant. No kidding. Took the home test twice; it’s positive. Shit!
It’s Andrew's. Must be from that Awal Muharram weekend when I took the Morning After 48 hours late.

My New Porn Career

It started with me taking a picture of my naked breast and nipple. I sent it via mms to Andrew.

Then, I got bolder and took a photo to my fingers masturbating my clit. After that, all hell broke loose.

Andrew and I have gone on to video recording my ejaculations.

I swear I have a bit of an exhibitionist in me.