I Need Work

Work is the only thing that's keeping me sane now.

Have to stopping missing Andrew.

A Scorpion Baby

If you were born, you would have been born on November 14,2010 - a scorpion child. A tiger scorpio. A strong-willed, charismatic leader.

If you were born.....

Abortion is often the turning point that mark the beginning of the end of a relationship.

Perhaps it's best this way move on....

Letter to My Baby

Dear Baby

I am sorry.

I am sorry I did not give you a chance to be born and see this world. You see, Baby, I would never become the kind of mother that you need – a mother who would put you ahead of anything else in this world, a mother who would leave work on time to spend time with you, a mother who would patiently explain the way of the world to you. Most of all, I am afraid I would be the mother that you would grow up fearing
I am sorry I was too scared to make the commitment to you and too selfish to change my lifestyle for you.

I am sorry I wasn’t more careful with sec and contraceptives. I am sorry I did not find a better father for you.

I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me....

Forgiving Andrew

I am not sure if I can ever forgive Andrew.

I can forgive him for sending me an sms about tripe when I told him I was pregnant.

Althought I still resent him for abandoning me to deal with the ordeal all alone, I can, in due time, learn to forgive him.

But I don’t think I can forget the knowledge that while I was going through the pain, he was traipsing around Italy, fucking another woman.

Maybe I should never have told him about the baby. Just get the whole thing done secretly. But at that point, I really needed support. I craved so much for someone to just hold me and tell me that I have made the right decision. But that support never really came either, even after I told him about it.

I know the decision is right. My brain tells me so. What would I have done otherwise? Marry Andrew and raise a child with him? Marry someone who wasn't there for me at my darkest moment? Let's not kid ourselves.

Even if I never married Andrew, the fact is that he would be the father of the child and our lives would be forever entangled.

I made the right decision.

But why doesn't my heart echoes the same.

Why do I miss my baby so much?

More Hormonal Wreck!

The last 2 days, I have been balling my eyes out. Thoughts about the baby and Andrew just creeps up on me and I find myself crying.

My weight has not gone down and it’s adding on to the frustration.

I hate these hormones.