My Week with Baby

I had to babysit a friend’s baby for a week. I thought she was just joking, but nope, she just thrust her to me and left with her luggage her Hawaii. I was to send him to his regular babysitter every morning on weekends. I would be the night and weekend babysitter.

Murphy’s law – things always go wrong when you need them to be right most. And so Murphy exercised his law on poor baby. That poor baby was left behind in an elevator (with my shopping bag in a trolley; at least I didn’t just walk off with my bags and only left the baby behind) and was thrown out of his pram (don’t asked me how that happened, he just cannon himself out).

At the end of 7 days, I finally realize why he was such a nuisance with me and just wouldn’t stop crying. I had totally forgotten to check his diapers and to feed him. He looks almost like Benjamin Button.

Thank god it was just a dream I had last night.

So much for maternal instincts. I think God is sending me a message.

The Valentine Bug

Valentine’s eve. I went to the mall to pick up swimming goggles. Boy was I thankful people don’t buy sport gears as V-day gifts. The mall is packed to the brim and there were queues every where. The gift shops had a queue going a mile long. The chocolate shops had a queue. There jewelry stores were crowded. Even the pharmacy had a queue for condom buyers!

A part of me cynically scorn these V-day suckers for the naivety but another part of me screams loneliness.

It’s not the gift but the company that I yearn. Over the last few years, I have slowly lost friends. No, they’re alive and well, they are around. But they have partners in their lives now.

I have always said I am comfortable being alone. I now wonder if I am truly comfortable, or it’s just that I have had to learn to say that for my own sanity.

Loving Someone Deeeply.... Platonicly

I finally muster the courage to ask him about us last night. Well, I sort of ask him about us. And I sort of got an answer. As Vincent has predicted, it’s not me. Or so he says.

So what now? I don’t know. But what I do know is I still love this man deeply. And I have been happy the last year with the “benefits”, and I loved him even more.

So what now? I don’t know. Nothing much, I guess. Life goes on the same as it always has been.

Is it right? Is it really love without sex? Possibly…Isn’t that what companionship is about. I didn’t seek out looking for good sex, did I? After all, I am the queen of compartmentalization. One man for sex (as bad as it may be), and one man to enrich my soul.

Lao Tzu said: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Certainly, being with him has given me so much strength and courage. So does it matter whether I know for such whether he loves me deeply? Is there a difference whether it’s been said or not?

Nay…

Somewhat A Resolution for 2009

The Christmas tree is packed back into its dull, dark box. Another Christmas dinner came and gone, another year just evaporated without many memories left.

Today is a new day in a new year.

I have not made resolutions for a few years now because I believe in living in the moment. However, I looked back at 2008 and was frankly quite disappointed with myself.

Aside from a few highlights, like going back into diving with Mark at Lang Tengah, and my trip to France, I really can’t say that I have don’t much last year.

I just worked, worked and worked. Every day, I was just catching up with work. I ended up neglecting my family and friends, neglecting the community around me, and neglecting myself. I sponsored a child since April, but has not even make an effort to go meet here once. I spent the year being tired and stressed. My temper was short and bad. I had nothing insightful about life, and all I did was complained and complained. So much for all the “zen-ess” from my meditation retreat.

I don’t like the person that I became last year.

This year, I need to make life different. Must not allow myself to get zapped into the rut. I need more to set aside time for myself, for my family and friends. I need to set aside time to sit back and be quiet.

I need to attend to my needs.

I Love Carla Bruni

Carla Bruni, the First Lady is France is my new idol for the few words she said:

“I’m monogamous occasionally but I prefer polygamy and polyandry. Love lasts a long time but burning desire, two to three weeks.”

“Sex, very pleasant. It’s one of the advantages of getting older . . . age increases sensuality and the pleasure.”

For a First Lady to say that openly with no refrain in an official interview, she had guts of steel and deserves my eternal respects. I am sure those few words liberated many modern day women, who have fear being prejudiced to have such thoughts. I am truly inspired.

Sensous LadyBird Treatment

That’s it. I’m addicted to the LadyBird Treatment. Cupping is the most effective fix to a bad back. While post-therapy feels great, the massage itself is almost orgasmic.

I must admit that a lot of the goodness comes from those strong hands of the male masseuse. It must be those big warm palms pushing into the naked skin. Or how his breathes feel against the skin when he pulls my body towards his to crack a joint. Or perhaps when he climbs over my body and shift his entire body weight over your back, squeezing every breath out of the lungs.

The pain inflicted your muscles feel so good that is almost masochistic. With every rub, and every push, the knots in my shoulders and my back slowly loosen. I can feel the entrapped “air” slowly disintegrate. The stiffness slowly ebbs away. It feels so good, I couldn’t keep from letting a little moan escape from between my lips.

Gosh, I sound like I have been greatly deprived of sex. Perhaps, deprioved of Mark.

And The Flood Gates Opens Today

I knew the man too well. His sms came in at 3:30pm. 4 more came in thereafter.

I am proud that I flatly told him no; that I ceased all communications back then was because I didn’t want to hurt Aerial. And I don’t want to do that now either.

He said he understand. I hope he is a man of his words.

A Dangerous Rendezvous

After 10 years, the dreaded day came. I met Id again.

When I got his invitation, I knew it was a bad idea. I had refrained from replying him, but his secretary called me in the middle of the night when I was in Paris and I had absent-mindedly said yes. Damn!

He looked exactly the same as he was 10 years ago. Arrogant and oh so charming. And dangerous. It had taken so much willpower to cut all ties 10 years ago. 10 years on, I thought I would be able him better.

But no. The moment our eyes met, I could read his mind. And I couldn’t control my own mind. Fantasies swirled in my head, and I felt my heart leapt and melted in an instant. I have not been able get his face out of my mind the entire night. Damn him and damn me.

I knew what is to come – phone calls, teasers, courtship - the whole works.

I have to find some way to hammer my mind to a standstill. God bless me with the strength that I need to resist him.

The Eiffel Trip

Today is the big day. I am going to the Eiffel Tower. Yes, the dream of every little girl who walks this earth, the universal symbol of love. Every girl wants to go up the Eiffel Tower with the man of their dreams, and kiss above the Paris skyline. I’m 35 and have long realized that was a corny Hollywood cooked-up dream. I am in Paris alone and no man in tow. But to see the tower still felt like a dream come true.

It was quite exciting. I made it a point to leave the hotel early, so I could have breakfast at Eiffel. I told SL about my breakfast plans last night and he was green with envy.

I got out of the train station and followed the signs. Walk a few blocks and still no tower in sight. I was starting to wonder whether I stopped at the right station when it appeared from behind the build. My heart actually did a cartwheel for a few seconds. I stopped to take in the view. Eiffel was beautiful!


It’s tall and strong, yet slender and soft. That adrenalin rush however, was only for that few seconds.

The exhilaration diminished with each step I took. Damn, it was far! My tummy was starting to growl. The thought of a yummy warm breakfast was what kept me going.

Some things just look better from afar, and Eiffel is one of them. As I approached the base of the tower, I see the raw steel bars that the tower was made off. It’s anything but slender. It’s hard and cold. The edges are cruse and rough. Nothing romantic about it.

And there was no food! The stalls were still closed. Nothing edible in sight.

And to top that, the bee line for the elevator was turn off – it was looong. The price for the elevator ticket was steep - €30 (RM180). I was starting to feel miserable about Eiffel. My tummy said, “let’s get out of here and get some real food”. My brain says, “that’s it, so fast?!”?

Then I saw it – the entrance to the stairs. Plus it was far cheaper. To climb the stairs, I paid €4. OK, I may have bad knees, but I am quite sure I can still make it. I’ll climb slowly. The incentive – no queue. No rocket science there – I decided to rely on knee power.

Probably 100 steps into the climb, it started to feel like a bad idea after all. The stairs seems to spiral forever. I kept looking up and all I see was darkness. The bold was biting my nose. My muscles were starting to burn. But I was too far up to abandon the climb. And it was not characteristic of me to give up. I soldier on.

As with all journeys and all stairs, there is always an end. And I did reach the platform. The view was breath-taking. I was happy. And the universe rewarded me – there was a bakery up on Eiffel! I bought a chocolate croissant and a cap, and had my breakfast, not under the Eiffel, but on Eiffel! What a treat!

I took this picture and sent to SL. He said the tower looked short. That idiot! I replied that it looked short because I was halfway up. Hrmphhhh… But he was a sweetie, send gentle loving rubs to my knees. Up above the Parisian sky, on the monument of love, I knew I could love him forever.

Dairy in My Life

The recent China-tainted-milk scandal has affected many people. From infant formula, the ban has now expanded to cover M&Ms, Dutch Lady, Danone and more.

For a country with hard a black-and-white freisen cow, it is quite amazing how much dairy we consumer everyday. I didn’t realize this until I embarked on my Blood A-Type diet last year and decided to cut dairy. Initially, I thought cutting milk, butter, ice-cream and cheese was easy. I don’t fancy them anyway.

But I realize later that dairy is in almost all our our daily essentials, it's used in our breads, cakes, cookies and even crackers. There’s dairy in dressings and sauces. There's dairy in my tuna mayo sandwich. There's dairy in omlettes and scrambled eggs. There’s dairy in my every morning essential – my Milo! They even use milk in my favorite fish-head bee-hoon. How to resist?

OK, I chose to be healthy. But I didn't choose to live a miserable life starving off good food. I am ,after all, a Malaysian living in Malaysia - people from the land who loves food, and living on land with plenty of good food.

A year on, I think I have done a pretty good job. I have cut out almost all dairy products from my diet. There are only a few areas where I fail. I still need my Milo every morning, but I drink it “kosong” these days. And I still need a dash of milk in my coffee. I have tried substituting milk with soy milk. It was yucky. Some things just can't be substituted.

Hiring Salespeople

Finding the right person to fill a job tough. It’s my weakest skill yet.

I have had 4 people taking my trade sales and marketing position in the last 2 years, and still can’t find the right fit.

Mind you, I’m no Scrooge; I’ve panned out titles from manager to executives, salaries from RM3 – RM4K. And I swear, it was no shoddy interview process.

Yet, somehow, I end up with staff the gives me ball-rolling exercises and push me further on my journey of cynicism.

I look for the usual traits required of a good salesperson:
- Extrovert – good inter-personal skills and can relate comfortably with people
- Must carry themselves confidently.
- Can speak “decent” English.
- Can work independently.
- Willing to go the extra mile.
- Willing to travel.
- Have car and can drive one.

I admit, my first staff, was too obedient. He was years of industry experience and spoke great English. I thought those traits were sufficient.

So when I hired his replacement, I added a new criteria: Must be street-smart and able to think on their feet i.e. resourceful, quick to troubleshoot and jump at opportunity.

My second one was just that. She was extremely street-smart, and she could charm customers out of their skin. Customers have nothing by praises for her. But she was a rebel and an attention-craver. An emotional time-bomb that later exploded on me when her baby popped; a risky staff that cause too much imbalance in the department’s culture. She is, however, my best staff of all the staff I have had for this portfolio.

My third one, can speak “decent” English. However, writing skills were missing. So was half her brain. A "chimbo" who told customer stock “frizzed” instead of stock “frozen”. I pretty much told her that the only time one can use the work frizz is when one is referring to public hair.

So... back to the hiring process one more time. This round, I conciously looked for good writing skills on top of all the other criterias.

The current one can speak and write reasonably well.

Thought I've done a pretty good jod until.....

Guess what – next time, even if candidates tell you they own their own cars, please remember to ask if they have motion sickness. We spent 4 days in traveling around Singapore in taxis. The poor guy spent half the time zoned out by anti-histamin, and the other half puking. Poor guy. And poor me, for this only means that I can't entrust him visit Singapore more often so I could focus on other areas.

Sigh… God is teaching me to be patient…I know. This is my lesson this life. But dear Goh, oh God, it’s already the 4th one, can’t you grant me a break.

Malaysia - the next big movie making country

I no longer need to watch E! for celebrity gossips. I no longer go to the movies. All I need to do for entertainment now is to read Malaysian political news.

Does anyone know how to contact Micheal Moore? I want to beg him to make a flim of Malaysian politics. Forget documentaries, we have enough materials to make a few blockbuster movies:

(1) a Rambo-Jackie Chan type action-packed movie on a C4-dynamite murder of a beautiful Mongolian model

(2) CSI-type movie of forensic flaws and conspiracy;

(3) Ally Mcbeal type movie of courtroom hullabaloos;

(4) Evita-like soap opera on short and stumpy Avon women who became one of the top women in the country and resorted to murder;

(5) Mind You Language-lie sitcom of language booboos…. And so much more.

Malaysia is rich in content. Some budding scriptwriter should pen all these down and make a gazillion bucks from copyright royalty.

Weddings

June is a month of weddings. That’s because it’s the 5th month of the Chinese lunar calendar. Chinese rarely get married in the 6th month; only the highly spirited, highly modern and the highly desperate do it in June. Fengshui master everywhere concurs it’s a not-so-good month - signs of half year marriages i.e. couples are always separated. Chinese don’t get married in August, the 7th month of the Lunar calendar – ghostly month – causes very bad luck.

Thus is the reason why I have had to attend to so many weddings this month. Yew Meng, Carols and Shookie’s.

I know, I know, weddings are happy occasions. That “once in a lifetime” moment for your dear friend, and you should be there to celebrate their joy. But the reasons I hate wedding far outweigh the above:

• It means I need to part with at least 100 buck a pop, more so if there is blood relation (not that I'm stingy, but hey, these are bad times);
• It means I have to work (jie-mei, usher, reception, program coordinator, the tea lady, etc);
• It means I have to dress up, brave the traffic and waste 4 hours of my time eating bad Chinese food when I could be watching CSI at home;
• It means I have to keep entertaining barrage of the same question, “when’s your turn?”

What can’t people believe these facts…

• Some people love to be single
• Some people can live together and do need to be married
• Some people can have perfect companions and don’t need to live together
• In fact, some people love themselves so much and are entertained by themselves so much, they never get lonely and they don’t need companions.
• Some people don’t need a STATUS
• Some women don’t need husbands, and definitely no maternal instinct for children (even in singular form!)

My aunt said I 'm not getting any younger - the usual. And this was coming from someone who got married at 48 and is still not 100% happy (albeit 95%).

I was actually quite offended this afternoon when this question shot from the mouth of my dear gay friend, Kenny. I rolled my eyes at him – “What about you? Do you ever think about getting married some day”? He answers “No” without thinking, but said “It’s different for you” – meaning because I am a woman. Once would think that gays being common victims of a stereotypical society would be one of the least stereotypical people. Guess not…

So, I have decided to employ a new strategy. Actual an old principle applied onto new settings. Every Chinese New Year Loh Sang, Wedding, whatsoever, I am going to bring a new man. Can’t convince them, confuse the helluva them…..

Sometimes We Do Need to Believe In The Good Ol’ Witch Doctor

Malaysian doctors prescribe antibiotics like candies, especially those locums. Every sick patient walked out with bag of colourful capsules.

I’m no fan of antibiotics. I totally agree with the effects of antibiotics resistances. Over the years, I have found that taking antibiotics all the time cause your immune system to be ineffective. Bacterias evolves and get stronger. Body's immune system on the other has not been had to fight anything, gets protected and lazy, subsequently becomes a weak army.

In fact, the last years times, every time I got sick, I allowed my body to battle it out on her own. I recovered eventually, albeit it took a little longer. But slowly, I got sick less often.

3 days ago, my arched nemesis came back to haunted me, after more than 18 months – my 2 useless ‘good for nothing but trouble’ tonsils.

I had fever all day and the fever came and went. Every time I took paracetamol, it subsided. About 5 to 6 hours later, after the effects of the medicine subsided, the fever came back. Day 2 was the same thing, except that the tonsil got bigger (it was agony to even swallow my saliva), and my ears were getting more infected. Even talking was too much of an effort. I had already resorted to sign language-ing my staff. And I was due to fly to Manila in 3 days. Na-ah, I don’t want to be sick on a trip. That's hell.

So no choice, I raised my while flag and went to see the doctor.

Sure enough, doc said “waa...very serious…not just white spots, but your tonsil are already coated in white”. I was quite amazed by my own pain threshold (hehe). He can’t tell if it was a viral or bacteria infection, but in lieu of my dire need to get well within a short period of time, I’d have to try antibiotics. Anyway, I told him, “gimme the strongest one you have”. He did – it was 110 ringgits strong, and doc said he needed more patience like me….go figure.

But I must say, that one of the most well-spent 100 ringgits. I woke up painless the next morning. Tonsils were still inflamed, but smaller. Painless eating, talking and laughing. Fever was gone and I was back to being the usual energetic bunny.

Sometimes, maybe sometimes, must put some trust in the docs.

The "Thou Must Never Let Your Bro Look Bad In Front Of Woman" Conspiracy

Have you ever noticed that when there is debate about directions, the women are always assumed wronged?

It gets more interesting when the woman is right! They boys will band together, agree with each other, twist your words and confuse you, even when they know you are right, and they are wrong!

I’m serious. It’s amazing. They may be friends, they may be enemies. They may even be strangers meeting for the first time. But no no no…. “bro’s ego getting puncture by a woman, looking bad in front of the women, we must protect”.

We went to Sling's new house this evening. I followed Al's car. Rud drove there separately. Al, being the typical "over-ego-fied" mail chirps "oh, very easy top get to my house, 4 roundabouts, staright, stgaright left and you're there. Simple!" Teah right....

I followed his car and there was no 4 roundabouts. 3, then a a left then before the 4th roundabout comes. So, out of concern, I called Rud and told him the correct directions.

He gets lost coming to the house and blames me for giving wrong directions, where in fact, when he repeated it, he didn't follow my instructions correctly.

When I told, Al nicely butts in and say "where got people give directly like that one. That's why I always say 4 roundabouts, then left..."

It was a big disucssion, OK. Rud reiterated it to everyone in the room at least 3 times.

Well, I certainly didn't think I made a mistake. But there was no jury. The old foggies there just stayed out of it and let it be assumed that the boys are right "since they usually are..."

We drove out, and god damn it I was right. Rud to a diff route. I told mom to update Rud. At whaddaya know - no apologies, no admission of wrong judment or wrong accusation, zilch. I was so tempted to text him "NO ALL WOMAN ARE BAD AT DIRECTIONS" but decided to win gracefully. The thing ALL men can't do!

I’m quite sure this is nature and definitely not nurture, since evry man behaves like that.

Sex and the City

I just watched the movie... finally. And in Singapore, because it's not going into cinemas in Malaysia.

Oh, I have forgotten how good the show is. I laughted and cried, and laughed and acried again.

I walked out missing Mark. He is definitely my Mr. Big.

Shoozzzzzz!

4 women went to Singapore for a weekend and came back with 20 pairs of shoes!

Being a Vegan and Being Thin

This year is a year of miracles; a year of things you never thought would happen come true.

The first was being alive long enough to see Malaysia having a viable and balanced 2-party governmening system (not quite yet, but we are definitely witnessing the start of it).

The second was hearing myself lament that “I’M TOO THIN”.

I went to see Dr Ng, the weight-loss doc, last September. As the same time, I went on the Blood-Type Diet (the basis of the diet is that certain types of blood digest certain types of food better). Since then, my weight has dropped from 60kg to 51.5kg in 3 months.

No, no, I’m not anorexic. I do not ogle at thin models and wished I look like them. I changed my diet solely due to health reasons. Despite cutting carbo and gyming, I was feeling increasingly bloated. My metabolic rate was dropping and I was feeling so sluggish every day.

The diet recommends that I cut red meat, cut dairy products and eat more vegetables. It wasn’t too hard since I’ve always loved my veg anyway. I gave it a go and the results felt good. These days, I feel more energetic. My skin is much clearer and I have less clogs and breakouts. My cholesterol dropped by half. Even my dentist says my teeth are better. I have have adopted the diet as a permanent lifestyle choice and proudly declares myself a Pescetarian (i.e. vegetarians who eats fish).


The flip side of this is that my wardrobe no longer fits me. My pants are hanging of me like drapes. I had to buy new pants, but it’s too hefty to change your entire wardrobe at one go. So, I had to take my pants’ waistline down by 1.5”. And it’s not just pants. My boobies have shrunk! And girlfriend, bras don’t come cheap these days, OK. Even my ass shrunk! Luckily panties are expandable.

From weighing myself every morning to ensure that the needle doesn't go up, I am now watching that the needle doesn't go down.

Ladies, believe me… Being thin is NOT beautiful, it’s NOT sexy. Make sure you keep your curves.

4 Days On And It Sure Looks Good

Just 4 days after elections and I am quite impressed with how the bi-partisan system is working. Everyone is more careful with their words and less reckless with the decisions.

I am very happy with what Lim Guan Eng has done in a mere 4 days and I hope he continues his good work.

Bravo Opposition.

The reality is now starting to sink in for many BN leaders and candidates. Even the thick-skin Samy Vellu, who refused to resign after the fiasco, has now come out to say he will not take up any cabinet position. All I can say is “Good riddance!”

Zakaria died yesterday morning. News of his passing spread wild and fast. I couldn’t have possibly rejoiced over someone’s death; that would have made me an awful mean person. All I can say is “God is alive and he knows!”

The bloody Toyol said today that he would be check and balance to the new Opposition state government. Yeah right… Why didn’t you check on your staff and yourself before? Why only now after you have lost? Very free now, is it? I just hope that someone with follow-up on the Auditor-General’s report and pin down all the overspending in the various ministries in the past. Make them cough out the money they’ve pocketed!

Data Privacy Act, Please & Soon

It is my hope that one of the first few things the Opposition will push for is the implementation of a Data Privacy Act.

The same government who assures you that you data is private misuses it for their own benefit.

Apalling hypocites who really deserved this loss.