When I Cry

2006 is my saddest start to a new year.

I cried and cried the last 2 days. The lawsuit has been settled in what I think was the most amicable way, but left me the biggest victim in this whole saga. With the least to gain to start with, I am left with the deepest losses.

Money is one. But the disappointments in people whom I trusted were the most heartbreaking. I am usually a happy person. You seldom see me in tears. But this year, on two occasions, I had just about cried my heart out.

The pain Pam and Nyang cause me was no less than the pain Daniel caused.

But my tears are not for the injustice imposed on this settlement, my tears are not for my monetary loss. I cry because I am writing off people very dear to my heart. In every friend, you have hope. You hope the best for them, you hope they are well and they will be. This is what transcends to care. When you write someone off your life, this person is being damned to mean nothing. Even a beggar means something, so writing off a person dear to me is a very difficult parting process.

But I promise, this will not make me a less trusting or more cynical person.

I have cried until I have no more tears. I have cried until I am exhausted.

I hope to wake up tomorrow morning a happier person.