Lives Passed and Coming

Has it ever dawned on you that our lives are so intertwined with each other, and with that of the people around us – their past and their present.

I have always been an atheist. Too stubborn and rebelious to obediently succumb to popular beliefs. I am not sure how I came to believe in reincarnation, but I do. Perhaps it’s intuition, perhaps it was an awakening of knowledge already deeply entrenched within me. You just wake up one day and suddenly realize that you do.

There are also other feelings I just can't find explanations for. Feeling old os one of them, not because of an aged body, but and aged soul. Things that I am experiencing for the first time this life, I feel like I am in familiar territories. Strangers that I meet for the first time, they feel so close and comfortable.

This last year with M has been rather interesting. Our relationship which started out based purely as canine sexual desire became less sexual. We talked much more that we fucked. Despite the lack of passion, I feel that the bond has strengthened. He feels so right for me, like we are a perfect fit. And I am happy with where we are now. I don’t need commitment, public display of our adoration for each other, marriage, or any sort of affirmation. (Karen goes nuts that I can let things hang like this). I am happy and I think that’s all that matters.

Vince said we had many past lives together, as a couple, and matrimony partners. Seems that he wronged me, I hated him and yet we love each other. Apparently, he will be an important companion till my twilight years; but nope, he will not be my husband or soulmate. I don’t have one this life.

Thank you, hallelujah. That's one of the greatest lines I have ever heard from a medium. Forget the hope of finding a hubby, you're not fated for one. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What a breath of relief. No need to wonder further.

The twist is there is another constant companion in my life, may be BL, maybe not. Things with BL have been strange too. There is love as in loving-kindness, but the hot passionate love in not quite there. I have tried and tried - as gently and as harsh as I could - to send him away. He is stubbornly loyal and continues to linger patiently in my life.

So it seems, he has karmic debts with me. He’s someone I felt compassion for and had helped many times, over many lives. But life after life, he was and will be nothing more than just a lover.

I am still unsure how I should react to this statement. I don’t want him to hang on to me like that. I want him to be happy; to get that perfect wife and perfect family that he yearns for. I wish there were ways I could just relegate him of all his debts and “release” him from the pain and suffering of being with me life after life. But Vince said that he is perfectly happy with the state where he is now; his definition of happiness is far simpler than mine. And this is why he still lingers around.

I don’t know. I just hope I have done the right thing and will continue to have the wisdom to do the rights things.