A Big Bad Blow

My relationship with BL is on the rocks. I don’t where the problem is – him, me, or just whatever that is or is not between us.

2 years of pseudo relationship with an arrogant bastard has not managed to make feel as half as small as what BL has reduced me to in just a mere 4 months.

Our lifestyles couldn’t be more different. I am a very private person. My private space and time is something I guard. I can work till the wee hours of the night on weekdays, but weekends are strictly off work. I don’t even want to think about work. For the last 3 years, I have made a conscious decision not to work from home because I don’t maintain distinct segregation between my work and private space.

BL is exactly the opposite. He doesn’t have an office to go to. He only has workstation assigned to him when he checks into his office. Unless there are meetings to attend, he works from home. Over the years, he has lost his ability to compartmentalize. He can be watching TV with you work on his notebook at the same time. Likewise, He can be physically in my space, but his mind couldn’t be further away. You pour your heart to him and end up feeling like you’ve just confessed to a blank wall.

Honestly, I am insulted that I have to compete for his attention with NST Online, Star Online and Bernama. Seriously, I would have felt much better if it was another woman than something as trivial as online news.

Yesterday morning was the last straw. I was going down on BL when we woke up in the morning. He made little moans and groans, and then it stopped. I looked up and saw his eyes starring at the ceiling. I stopped and asked him, “What’s on your mind? Work?”. He nodded shyly. I had no words to describe my anger. I stormed out of the room.

I cannot think of any blow to a woman’s ego. Even if it ain’t that great, show some appreciation – FAKE it! Besides, I don’t think I do such a bad job that department. SL has enjoyed it, as well as a line of many AFF guys.

I told a few friends, and they were all in utter disgust. SC is right, I would never be able to go down on BL again without images of yesterday’s faithful event popping up in my head.

I always thought when you find the perfect love, it's supposed to feel like one of those Jerry Mcguire "you complete me" cliches, make you feel a greater you. Why do I feel so mad all the time these days?