Shoozzzzzz!

4 women went to Singapore for a weekend and came back with 20 pairs of shoes!

Being a Vegan and Being Thin

This year is a year of miracles; a year of things you never thought would happen come true.

The first was being alive long enough to see Malaysia having a viable and balanced 2-party governmening system (not quite yet, but we are definitely witnessing the start of it).

The second was hearing myself lament that “I’M TOO THIN”.

I went to see Dr Ng, the weight-loss doc, last September. As the same time, I went on the Blood-Type Diet (the basis of the diet is that certain types of blood digest certain types of food better). Since then, my weight has dropped from 60kg to 51.5kg in 3 months.

No, no, I’m not anorexic. I do not ogle at thin models and wished I look like them. I changed my diet solely due to health reasons. Despite cutting carbo and gyming, I was feeling increasingly bloated. My metabolic rate was dropping and I was feeling so sluggish every day.

The diet recommends that I cut red meat, cut dairy products and eat more vegetables. It wasn’t too hard since I’ve always loved my veg anyway. I gave it a go and the results felt good. These days, I feel more energetic. My skin is much clearer and I have less clogs and breakouts. My cholesterol dropped by half. Even my dentist says my teeth are better. I have have adopted the diet as a permanent lifestyle choice and proudly declares myself a Pescetarian (i.e. vegetarians who eats fish).


The flip side of this is that my wardrobe no longer fits me. My pants are hanging of me like drapes. I had to buy new pants, but it’s too hefty to change your entire wardrobe at one go. So, I had to take my pants’ waistline down by 1.5”. And it’s not just pants. My boobies have shrunk! And girlfriend, bras don’t come cheap these days, OK. Even my ass shrunk! Luckily panties are expandable.

From weighing myself every morning to ensure that the needle doesn't go up, I am now watching that the needle doesn't go down.

Ladies, believe me… Being thin is NOT beautiful, it’s NOT sexy. Make sure you keep your curves.

4 Days On And It Sure Looks Good

Just 4 days after elections and I am quite impressed with how the bi-partisan system is working. Everyone is more careful with their words and less reckless with the decisions.

I am very happy with what Lim Guan Eng has done in a mere 4 days and I hope he continues his good work.

Bravo Opposition.

The reality is now starting to sink in for many BN leaders and candidates. Even the thick-skin Samy Vellu, who refused to resign after the fiasco, has now come out to say he will not take up any cabinet position. All I can say is “Good riddance!”

Zakaria died yesterday morning. News of his passing spread wild and fast. I couldn’t have possibly rejoiced over someone’s death; that would have made me an awful mean person. All I can say is “God is alive and he knows!”

The bloody Toyol said today that he would be check and balance to the new Opposition state government. Yeah right… Why didn’t you check on your staff and yourself before? Why only now after you have lost? Very free now, is it? I just hope that someone with follow-up on the Auditor-General’s report and pin down all the overspending in the various ministries in the past. Make them cough out the money they’ve pocketed!

Data Privacy Act, Please & Soon

It is my hope that one of the first few things the Opposition will push for is the implementation of a Data Privacy Act.

The same government who assures you that you data is private misuses it for their own benefit.

Apalling hypocites who really deserved this loss.

Who Next?

As expected, a day after the big crash, there are calls for Pak Lah to step down.

A part of me thinks he should because I seriously don't know how he could go on in the party and continue to command respect.

But the thought of who could possibly be the next premier scares me. Who I ask? No. 2 ? The *kapow blast* eliminator?

Oh dear God. Between a *kapow blastor* and Reformasi Anwar, I really think I'd much prefer the latter. Sure, Anwar may not be pure and angelic himself, but at least her has not *kapow blasted* anyone yet. Gee, what kind of example are we going to set for our kids - if we have a *kapow blastor* prime minister.

So what now, brown cow... sigh...

A Day of Fresh Hopes

I woke up today with a renewed spirit. Yesterday’s election saw BN biggest loss in history. They lost control of Kelantan, Kedah, Penang, Selangor and even Perak!

Poticians are all still in shock.

Koh Tsu Koon'ss defeat – was expected la…

But Selangor and Perak were really surprises.

And poor Samy! - he didn't have to leave the party, people threw him out.

No more Toyol menteri besar - that was icing on the cake.

I was also shocked about Sharizat’s defeat. I didn’t think she did such a bad job.

MCA lost EVERY parliamentary seat in KL. My poor man is devastated. I guess they need to grief now. I just got off the phone with him and he’s all bitter about us crazy, ungrateful Chinese.

But I think this is truly inspiring. For once, the word "people power" truly meant something. For once, we as citizens, felt the power of change in really in our hands.

I look forward with pride, joy and most importantly hope. I look forward to a better Malaysia.

Politican Has No Respect for Data Privacy

In the last few days, I have been inundated with sms-es from the BN Kampung Tunku candidate, Sheah Kok Fah. I received 8 spam sms-es - 4 in Chinese, which for the life of me, I could not read on my own and required translation; 4 in English – all 8 repeating the same stupid message to vote for him on March 8. It’s annoying.

More than annoying, it’s despicable. This MCA rep obviously has neither inkling or respect about data privacy.

The sender of the sms obviously knows my IC number (to be able specify in the sms that I am a registered voter and that my polling station is in SRK Kampung Tunku), and knows my handphone number.

I have never given explicit permission to any political party to send me such messages. My data has been hijack, stolen, leaked, etc... regardless of how one wants to verb-alize it, essentially my data has been used without my permission. I know it's not Celcom selling me out, else, Mr Sheah would have addressed me a Mr LKK. So, how did he get my mobile number?

"Dear Mr. Sheah., this is what we call SPAM. It is also called BREACH of Data Privacy. In many countries, it's illegal!.

One may claim that it was his campaign staff who executed the sms blast and that he knew nothing about it. However, whether it's the campaign staff or the database, the leader of this campaign is expected to assume responsibility. Even if one purchases database from another company, he must ensure that the data is credible and permissionable. Mr Sheah either doesn't know about data privacy or doesn't care. Either is not an acceptable trait from a future representative of the "rakyat".

If there aren't enough resons for me to punish MCA, Mr Sheah has just given me the final straw to make that decision to vote for the opposition.

Ra Ra DAP!!

Lives Passed and Coming

Has it ever dawned on you that our lives are so intertwined with each other, and with that of the people around us – their past and their present.

I have always been an atheist. Too stubborn and rebelious to obediently succumb to popular beliefs. I am not sure how I came to believe in reincarnation, but I do. Perhaps it’s intuition, perhaps it was an awakening of knowledge already deeply entrenched within me. You just wake up one day and suddenly realize that you do.

There are also other feelings I just can't find explanations for. Feeling old os one of them, not because of an aged body, but and aged soul. Things that I am experiencing for the first time this life, I feel like I am in familiar territories. Strangers that I meet for the first time, they feel so close and comfortable.

This last year with M has been rather interesting. Our relationship which started out based purely as canine sexual desire became less sexual. We talked much more that we fucked. Despite the lack of passion, I feel that the bond has strengthened. He feels so right for me, like we are a perfect fit. And I am happy with where we are now. I don’t need commitment, public display of our adoration for each other, marriage, or any sort of affirmation. (Karen goes nuts that I can let things hang like this). I am happy and I think that’s all that matters.

Vince said we had many past lives together, as a couple, and matrimony partners. Seems that he wronged me, I hated him and yet we love each other. Apparently, he will be an important companion till my twilight years; but nope, he will not be my husband or soulmate. I don’t have one this life.

Thank you, hallelujah. That's one of the greatest lines I have ever heard from a medium. Forget the hope of finding a hubby, you're not fated for one. Thank you, thank you, thank you. What a breath of relief. No need to wonder further.

The twist is there is another constant companion in my life, may be BL, maybe not. Things with BL have been strange too. There is love as in loving-kindness, but the hot passionate love in not quite there. I have tried and tried - as gently and as harsh as I could - to send him away. He is stubbornly loyal and continues to linger patiently in my life.

So it seems, he has karmic debts with me. He’s someone I felt compassion for and had helped many times, over many lives. But life after life, he was and will be nothing more than just a lover.

I am still unsure how I should react to this statement. I don’t want him to hang on to me like that. I want him to be happy; to get that perfect wife and perfect family that he yearns for. I wish there were ways I could just relegate him of all his debts and “release” him from the pain and suffering of being with me life after life. But Vince said that he is perfectly happy with the state where he is now; his definition of happiness is far simpler than mine. And this is why he still lingers around.

I don’t know. I just hope I have done the right thing and will continue to have the wisdom to do the rights things.

I Will Never Marry

After a year of frustration and complaints, it is now clearer than ever that I will never ever get married, at least not in this life.

I know myself – my needs, my desires and my ways - too well to bend. I don’t think it’s a territorial thing although I keep telling BL about infringement of my “space’. My inflexibility to “bend”, to compromise has more to do with the fact that I have found my contentment and equilibrium, and I know bending would mean moving out of that state. This is exactly why U was so unhappy this last year.

I know the timing may not have been so pleasant, but on the 2nd day of Chinese New Year, the built-up frustration finally compelled me to rake up enough courage to ask for my keys that. He said yes.

Although I have not gotten my keys back, physically, but just the fact that I have managed to vocalized that thought has been such a relief. I actually feel so much closer to BL now because the resentment and expectations just vanished after those words came out of my mouth.

I’m a strange woman, I know…

My Inner Peace Adventure

Last December, I chanced upon a meditation retreat. Somehow, everything seemed destined. I needed a short break, thought of Chiangmai, googled it and found a meditation retreat. By some weird twist of events (and from my sheer tardiness in reading for details), I ended up in Loei, 7 hours northeast of Bangkok, near Udon Thani.

This has got to be one of the most rewarding trips I’ve ever made. The retreat, which was run by the Dhammakaya movement, was beautiful. Lush mountains surrounded the area, with a charming stream running alongside. Although the meditation stemmed from Buddhist teachings and was led by monks, it was conducted from a very neutral angle - no pressure, no influence - it was purely for the spread of meditation knowledge.

The scheduled seemed a little gruesome at first – rise at 5am, no food after noon, and bedtime at 10; no handphones, no notebooks, no contact with the outside world. The food part was a little hard, but I got used to it pretty fast. The perk of rising early was that we got to see sunrise every morning, and it well worth the effort.


Meditation

The meditation experience was good. At some point, once you get pass the fleeting thoughts and are able to still your mind, you see a bright sphere that slowly grows in size. The light sends tingling sensations all throughout your body. I also feel the light penetrating through my eyes and forehead, and feel like what some people say, you 3rd eye, awakening. It’s an incredible feeling that I cannot describe exactly with words. The only way I can describe that feeling is that it’s better than orgasm. It was so good it became additive; I would not want to end my meditation at the end of the session.

The entire week in Loei, I felt so peaceful, so centered, so mindful. My thoughts were so clear. I returned from Loei rejuvenated, with a new calm and wisdom.

A month after I've returned back to KL, I still make it a point to try to meditate, if not daily, at least once a week. I have decided to make an annual pilgrimage to this retreat. I truly believe everyone will find some good in meditation.

On that note, I want to say that I awed by the Dhammakaya's objectives and practices. You may say they are cult-like, but never in my life have I witness 30,000 people coming together in one single location, and sit silently for one whole hour. I swear, that whole hour, all you could hear were birds chirping. No force, no blaring instructions. Even the kids were orderly and mindful. If more people behaved like this, then I truly do believe that Dhammakaya's wise abbot's visio of achieving world peace through meditation might just be the solution for the current world.

Live A Lotus Life

“As a lotus flower is born in water, grows in water and rises out of water to stand above it unsoiled, so I, born in the world, raised in the world, having overcome
the world, live unsoiled by the world”

~ Buddha

My Orange Soul

Today
Sadly
I bade goodbye
To my loyal companion

For six years, we spent every day together
For six years, you brought me joy and laughter
Shielded me from harm and injury
For six years, you were the reason for my stardom
But more importantly,
For six years you gave me freedom

Oh, the places we’ve been to
Without you, I would have never dared to

We scaled mountains higher than the clouds
We conquered the east coast north to south
My best memory our journey
To land of nowhere
To wherever the may lead
The scenes, the sights
Wills always bring me
Pride and delight.

You saw it all
You heard it all

From my unforgiving curses
To my sweet praises
Those treasured moments
When my heart was opened
And when it was broken

You met my friends
Those treasured women who means so much to me
You met the men
That bastard Daniel who so betrayed me
The Boonster in my life
And the Mark in my heart

You were there
When success sent me soaring high
And failure humbled me
You were there in trying times,
When I could only cry and sigh
You always gave me peace
To find my strength within
To live life with my head held high

But you have done you duty
Been more than fair to me
I could feel you getting old
Not just age, but your soul

I hate to say goodbye
But I must
I can only thank you
With all my heart

Oh I already miss you so
My beloved orange Punto

The Siti of Puke

I woke up this morning and realize that BL did not come back last night, not that it bothered me much. However, by 11am, I figured I’d better check if he is still alive. He was.

He returned an hour later, changed, showered, and plunged straight to be, with the usual complaints of headaches and body aches (what’s new?)

I was clearing the laundry bag in my dressing room when I picked up his pants and say big patches of brown stains all over the front. Looks like some chocolate sauce to me. So imagine how grossed out I was when he told me it was vomit.

How unhygienic and inconsiderate can one be?! Pukes on his pants, comes back and conveniently just dump his pants for someone to wash. And dump where? In my dressing room, where the clean clothes are! He is well aware I have a laundry room, where he has been leaving his post-badminton-sweat-soaked shirts.

I think it’s time I change my name to Siti.

I made a point to tell him how disgusted I was. He, drowsily looks up from the pillow, apologized, and went back to bed. Talk about remedial action.

I was too disgusted, and I was in a hurry to head out the door. I drop the pants in the yard. “He had better dealt with that @#* by the time I got back”, I thought.

I got home six hours later and he was still sleeping. I nagged again, and again. Finally, he got out of bed, went to the yard and look at his pants. Spray pre-way bleach on it and left it back at the yard. That grotesque thing was there, untouched for a week. When I finally could stand the sight no more, I threw it into the washer. The pants came out…. beautiful. No more chocolaty wine stains, but bleached white patches all over. There is karma… thank you.

Ooh, but that’s not it. I fanned the pants out on the sofa and asked him what he wanted to do with the pants. He said, “What else? Throw la”. “OK, then please throw it away”, I retorted. “Okaayyy, okaayyy”, but it sat there for another week. I save myself a few breaths and bundled the pants up ad into a garbage bag.

Yuck! Pooh! Phat! I am beyond words. Even I don’t make my mom wash my puke.

Please, please, please enlighten me how can one live with a person of such tardy nature.

The Golden Buddha

Meditation in the last 3 days has been interesting. On Thursday, I started to see a bright light coming from above. The problem is every time I see this light, it makes me feel good and relaxed, and eventually I drift into sleep zone. When I catch myself, then the light comes back, and I drift again.


On Friday, I reminded myself to be more focus. That’s when I started to see the moon instead of a round sphere of light. The same moon I saw on the first night here. The moon was out in the horizon and I felt myself sailing on the sea towards the moon. It felt like an endless journey. Suddenly, the moon turned into a golden lotus. The lotus then turned around and it was Buddha, a golden one. It’s this a dream or I am just hallucinating?

Today, I saw Buddha’s image again, but this time very clearly. I can see the features on his face. The light brighter, and then I started to spin. I got to dizzy I had to open my eyes, and that was the end of that meditation session.

The most stress-free Christmas ever!

Christmas came and went. Today is Boxing Day. It could have just been any other day in Himawan. Theirs was no fanfare; it was just like any other day.


Himawan is a truly peaceful sanctuary. I enjoy the energy here. Everyone is humble, friendly, kind, patient and respectful.

3 days into the retreat, I feel the difference. My mind is more alert and free. I feel lighter, emotionally. Totally stress-free. I now know why the rule is no food after lunch. I find myself more focused during the late evening sessions. I tend to doze off during the morning meditations; I guess it because of the breakfast in my tummy.

Mark finally replied my SMS today, finally. Huge relief to know his surgery went well. His nose is still bleeding, but it’s expected as part of the recovery process. He is checking out of the hospital today.

The Light

Meditation is slowly improving. I started to see the light that the monks talk about. But it doesn’t last long. I am getting used to sitting for long periods now. The last session, I didn’t get stiff legs at the end of the session.

Meditation retreat is great for weight loss! Only 2 meals a day and no food after lunch. I can imagine Mark will keel over from starvation here.


In the afternoons between meditations, I started sitting out in the beautifully landscaped garden outside of the meditation hall. It’s great here. The grass is soft. You see the leave dance in the wind.
Since I left KL, I have not thought much about Boon Lee. On the contrary, Mark was constantly on my mind. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I am worried about his surgery in Bangkok and his recovery. But I guess it’s also a sign of where my heart is.

The kiasu Singaporeans are quite amusing - so much comments, eat like hogs and walk around clutching their belongings as if the people are going to break into their room to steal their precious stuff. There are 2 ladies among the Singaporean group who just couldn't stop farting and burping during meditation. Aside from disgusting, it's distracting. People are shifting spots to avoid them. Me too!

Loei's Moon

After an entire day stuffed up in the bus, we finally  reached Loei. I am so glad I came. This place is amazingly beautiful. Mountains in all directions, fresh crisp air, crickets sing in the night and the moon….. Oh the moon. It is so big and low in the sky, I feel I could just jump and reach for it.  I am looking at it now. It glows and shines, and just lit up the entire sky.

The meditation group is pretty interesting. There are people from all over the world – from US, Africa, Russia, Mongolia, Australia, UL and Italy… and of course a group of noisy, kiasu and ever-critical Singaporeans.

Meditation wasn’t as hard as I thought. I think it’s partly because I had a brief introduction to it in the US and partly due to my yoga practice. As in the past, I still have can shut my mind down. It goes wandering in Wonder-land. Shortly after I closed my eyes and blocked out the other senses< I start to get visions – about work, home, mom, etc. I need to work harder.

Chill, I have all the time in the world.

Here I am at LCCT enroute to Bangkok. What a bad day! Lost my ATM card, missed my flight, had a bowl of inedible laksa & mushy sandwich, and now, my new flight is delayed.

Surprisingly, I am quite cool and composed. Not angry at all. I guess if there’s anything I have now, it’s time.

The Addictive Light

Yesterday was a really good day. During the morning meditation, I started to feel a sense of joy when I was deep in the meditation. I finally saw the light the monks have been talking about. It radiates a light that warms every tiny nook on your body. It sends a tingling sensation through your skin that brings all your senses to live!

After a few experiences with the light, I think I am starting to get addicted to it. I was a little disappointed this morning when halfway through my “enlightening”, the monk guided us to end our mediation, as time was up. Not sure if this is how it shoudl be or not. Should we be rid of desire?

Hmm… apparently teaching kids to be a good person bring good karma. Good to know I am working in the right industry.

This afternoon, I took a short nap and I swear, I have never had, or remembered to many dreams. I don’t know if it’s because of my mind is clearer, dreams are more vivid.