I don't understand couples who go to great lengths to put on a show for their weddings. I have seen so many of them - perfect selection of songs, eights changes of gowns for the bride and three for the groom, patronizing speeches and pretentious acts of love. Throw a big party and hope your guests will subsidize the bill. I just don't get it.
I don't care if I get married or not. That is not the purpose of my being. But I vowed that if I ever do, I will never put myself through the agony of a wedding reception. Honeymoon wedding would be just great, and you will get a simple card from me informing you of my latest joy and happiness.
My brother is getting married soon. And he is putting up a fairytale wedding. They have been working on it since last year, souveniours with thei names on it, designer wedding cards, customer-made outfits, photoshoots in exotic islands, song list, the whole works.
And customary to being a dear sister, I have to look nice for him on the night. So I went all the way down to Singapore and bought a Daniel Yam gown. For the record, I hate to buy gowns. It's an utter waste of money; you wear them once or twice, most times they just occupy space in your closet.
But for his sake, I made myself buy a brand new one. And I pick a really versatile gown, with 2 sashes that can be tied and twisted in many ways, in hope that I could use this gown more than once.
Yesterday, my brother made a comment that I shouldn't have bought that gown. Reason - it was white in colour and look quite similar to the bride's gown (mine is a simple RM300 gown; hers is a custom-made beige gown with crystals, and a sash too but less versatile, and cost about RM1K). The comment was initially made by the designer (I think he is just jealous) but what bothered me was the fact that my brother allowed it to affect him and passed the comment back to me (which means that he agrees with the statement).
Gee, what happened to having your loved one share the greatest moment of your life? Does it matter whose dress stands out better? Was the gown more important than me?
It's so easy to get sucked in into this whole glamorous she-bang that people forget the reason we celebrate weddings is actually to share your joy and happiness, not your show.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
Crucial Conversations
Over the weekend, I attended a seminar on Crucial Conversations. The training discussed how when in a situation where objective and opnions differ, some people will retreat into "silent" or "voilent" treatment, which will not get us anywhere. But things can be solve with dialogue, if only we can creat a safety zone to encourage this.
The entire 2 days, I kept think about what has happened between NY and me. I couldn't stop feeling that we have an unfunished conversation. Karen asked me what is my objective, I said I don't know. But I felt I have unfinished business.
I believe I know what I want now. Lawsuit aside, I wish he could forgive me. That's what I want.
The entire 2 days, I kept think about what has happened between NY and me. I couldn't stop feeling that we have an unfunished conversation. Karen asked me what is my objective, I said I don't know. But I felt I have unfinished business.
I believe I know what I want now. Lawsuit aside, I wish he could forgive me. That's what I want.
Size Does Matter
I think I found a partner in crime for DK.
I invited Mr EW over to my place on Friday. It's a mistake I know. I should have met him in a public place first. But when he called, and with his persistency, I thought "what the heck".
As I worked my way down, I was just shocked and disappointed. It was too small - both in length and in circumference. I barely had to open my mouth. I could not even feel him inside me.
And he came so fast. He almost did in my mouth, and I had barely started.
True to the Asian man myth, he would not go down on me, but expected me to. What is a 69 if you don't do me on the other end - it's so stupid. And right after he came, that was it, end of story. I think I was all too glad to get it done and over with too.
I guess the chemical wasn't quite there. He was just too judgemental, to opinionanted, too fatherly. But I gave him points for wanting me so badly, and pity points. And so, I gave in.
I don't mean to sound like an SPG, but guess I should just stick to caucasian men.
I invited Mr EW over to my place on Friday. It's a mistake I know. I should have met him in a public place first. But when he called, and with his persistency, I thought "what the heck".
As I worked my way down, I was just shocked and disappointed. It was too small - both in length and in circumference. I barely had to open my mouth. I could not even feel him inside me.
And he came so fast. He almost did in my mouth, and I had barely started.
True to the Asian man myth, he would not go down on me, but expected me to. What is a 69 if you don't do me on the other end - it's so stupid. And right after he came, that was it, end of story. I think I was all too glad to get it done and over with too.
I guess the chemical wasn't quite there. He was just too judgemental, to opinionanted, too fatherly. But I gave him points for wanting me so badly, and pity points. And so, I gave in.
I don't mean to sound like an SPG, but guess I should just stick to caucasian men.
Monday, August 01, 2005
I miss him
I had a wonderful day today, but somehow ended on a down note because I was made to talked about DK twice. I think it started in the morning, while I was cleaning, I picked up my old dairy and read the entries about him.
How he ruffled my hair, played with my skirt under the meeting table, came to my BBQ party, peeled crabs for me, fed me durian, bought me flowers... I miss him.
And I feel this stab in my heart, and I feel it bleed, the pain exploding from my heart to my head, welling in my eyes.
Damn! I thought I was done and over with this man. I have been having a wonderful time, have been with people who are far more intriguing, and who treats me like a princess. So what's wrong with me?! Why do I still miss him?
What is wrong with me?!!!! I have no answer...
Maybe it's because he was the first man that I truly loved. The other guys before him, even John, all loved me more than I loved them. Most times, I was a selfish bastard who loved myself more. But I did love DK, and held nothing back. This is what they callled unconditional love right? But why does unconditional love hurt so bad?
How he ruffled my hair, played with my skirt under the meeting table, came to my BBQ party, peeled crabs for me, fed me durian, bought me flowers... I miss him.
And I feel this stab in my heart, and I feel it bleed, the pain exploding from my heart to my head, welling in my eyes.
Damn! I thought I was done and over with this man. I have been having a wonderful time, have been with people who are far more intriguing, and who treats me like a princess. So what's wrong with me?! Why do I still miss him?
What is wrong with me?!!!! I have no answer...
Maybe it's because he was the first man that I truly loved. The other guys before him, even John, all loved me more than I loved them. Most times, I was a selfish bastard who loved myself more. But I did love DK, and held nothing back. This is what they callled unconditional love right? But why does unconditional love hurt so bad?
A Man for Every Ocassion
SC recently told me that he knows the reason why I don't need to get married ~ because I have a man for every little need of mine.
Kenny used to be my man for companionship; SC was my man for intellectual stimulation; and PF was my man for sex. And it was just that simple - whenever any one of those needs arise, all I had to do was to pick up the phone and call.
I remembered I asked DK, which segment he wanted to belong in. The ambitious little prick egoistically told me that he would be my man for everything. After one year, he failed to even qualify for one of the segments, let alone all. Was never there for me, couldn't fuck well, and certainly wasn't too bright.
I never did believe that you could have all 3 needs satisfied by the same man. I mean, that would make the man a "perfect man", and we know this is such a myth, right?
But recently, I met this guy, and he is changing my mind about this. Is this possible, is there such a thing as the 'perfect' man? Or is this just blinded puppy love?
Kenny used to be my man for companionship; SC was my man for intellectual stimulation; and PF was my man for sex. And it was just that simple - whenever any one of those needs arise, all I had to do was to pick up the phone and call.
I remembered I asked DK, which segment he wanted to belong in. The ambitious little prick egoistically told me that he would be my man for everything. After one year, he failed to even qualify for one of the segments, let alone all. Was never there for me, couldn't fuck well, and certainly wasn't too bright.
I never did believe that you could have all 3 needs satisfied by the same man. I mean, that would make the man a "perfect man", and we know this is such a myth, right?
But recently, I met this guy, and he is changing my mind about this. Is this possible, is there such a thing as the 'perfect' man? Or is this just blinded puppy love?
Women and Machines
I finally bought my dryer on Friday. My life is, alas, complete.
Hang on, there's the rhoomba. Oh well, it's complete in the landry sense at least. Ssee, I have bought my washer for over a year and have refused to use it because I don't have my dryer yet.
I remember when I watched the movie "The Love Story of a Washing Machine", I came out proclaiming how stupid it was. Now I realize how profound that movie was. It reflected the person I have become. I am obsessed with gadgets!
I am emotionally tied to my car; life becomes meaningless without it (that's is the main reason why I hate Singapore and Hong Kong; those poor souls). I love my dishwasher; can't live without my notebook, and yippee, now I have my dryer! And god will forgive me if I say I an in love with my vibrator - hey, it's a machine too. Even my toothie-brush is mechanical.
Hey this is scary. Can I live witout them - probably yes. Can I live happily without then - NO!. It's all relative. If you didn't know there was a heaven, you would have been jutt fine with hell. But I know better now, and I cannot un-know it.
Now, when can I get my rhoomba and rabbit??
Hang on, there's the rhoomba. Oh well, it's complete in the landry sense at least. Ssee, I have bought my washer for over a year and have refused to use it because I don't have my dryer yet.
I remember when I watched the movie "The Love Story of a Washing Machine", I came out proclaiming how stupid it was. Now I realize how profound that movie was. It reflected the person I have become. I am obsessed with gadgets!
I am emotionally tied to my car; life becomes meaningless without it (that's is the main reason why I hate Singapore and Hong Kong; those poor souls). I love my dishwasher; can't live without my notebook, and yippee, now I have my dryer! And god will forgive me if I say I an in love with my vibrator - hey, it's a machine too. Even my toothie-brush is mechanical.
Hey this is scary. Can I live witout them - probably yes. Can I live happily without then - NO!. It's all relative. If you didn't know there was a heaven, you would have been jutt fine with hell. But I know better now, and I cannot un-know it.
Now, when can I get my rhoomba and rabbit??
Ejaculation
I had a 5-hour discussion with SC on Thursday about sex, dicks and skin. The questions was whether it was possible for a man to have an orgasm without ejacualtion. Neither of us had the answer - one is anatomically unable to verify the theory; the other a virgin.
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