The Valentine Bug

Valentine’s eve. I went to the mall to pick up swimming goggles. Boy was I thankful people don’t buy sport gears as V-day gifts. The mall is packed to the brim and there were queues every where. The gift shops had a queue going a mile long. The chocolate shops had a queue. There jewelry stores were crowded. Even the pharmacy had a queue for condom buyers!

A part of me cynically scorn these V-day suckers for the naivety but another part of me screams loneliness.

It’s not the gift but the company that I yearn. Over the last few years, I have slowly lost friends. No, they’re alive and well, they are around. But they have partners in their lives now.

I have always said I am comfortable being alone. I now wonder if I am truly comfortable, or it’s just that I have had to learn to say that for my own sanity.

Loving Someone Deeeply.... Platonicly

I finally muster the courage to ask him about us last night. Well, I sort of ask him about us. And I sort of got an answer. As Vincent has predicted, it’s not me. Or so he says.

So what now? I don’t know. But what I do know is I still love this man deeply. And I have been happy the last year with the “benefits”, and I loved him even more.

So what now? I don’t know. Nothing much, I guess. Life goes on the same as it always has been.

Is it right? Is it really love without sex? Possibly…Isn’t that what companionship is about. I didn’t seek out looking for good sex, did I? After all, I am the queen of compartmentalization. One man for sex (as bad as it may be), and one man to enrich my soul.

Lao Tzu said: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Certainly, being with him has given me so much strength and courage. So does it matter whether I know for such whether he loves me deeply? Is there a difference whether it’s been said or not?

Nay…